Wow. So it’s been a while, hasn’t it?
I think it’s time to start writing again. I feel like something has been missing from my life, and I think writing is what will be able to fill that gap. While classes are in session I try to avoid writing as much as humanly possible since one of my favorite hobbies is procrastinating, especially when it comes to essays… but I’ve realized that I never just write for me anymore. It’s always to fulfill some page quota or to argue a thesis, merely as a means to an end.
But as Aristotle would agree, the best activities are those done as ends in themselves, where the enjoyment resides in the doing of that activity itself. Doing things for the sake of doing them leaves your mind open and free, leaving you unrestrained by the walls that seem to enclose a strict path when you are trying to get from point A to point B; this is what I hope writing and blogging can do for me. The goal in life should not be to achieve material belongings, such as a job or money, but rather to reach a state of balance where you are happy living life in the way in which you are living it, regardless of your external circumstances.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been under the enormous stress of having to write three major essays for my classes: ethics, religion, and feminist philosophy.* Don’t get me wrong, I love all of these topics and know I am going to be so happy once I’ve written the finished products, but the weight of that end goal has been hanging over my head for quite some time now. Being the anxious-perfectionist-procrastinator that I am, I have of course managed to get extensions on all three of them… not because I don’t care, but because I am focused too much on the outcome of these papers; this, of course, leaves the task of completing them too overwhelming. I am unable to envision a future version of myself who has not only finished but is happy with the outcome of her work, which makes it very difficult to even begin to make my way to that point.
I have two left to start and finish, but I thought I might as well begin to write openly here first to get my creative juices flowing and to remind myself why I write: because I love writing. So here I am, trying to not be too hard on myself about past actions (i.e. procrastinating my way to bad grades) but also trying to move forward to a state of happiness; of course, this is through many ways, but writing is one of them.
This summer, I am determined to pick up my writing again in an attempt to keep myself in check with whatever craziness is plaguing my mind at any given time, as well as to let you all follow along with me on my journey towards reaching a life which I will be proud to have lived.
Ciao for now,
*Of course, I wrote this first draft about a month ago, and never got around to publishing it. Now with my essays said and done, I do indeed feel better about moving on in life.